Thursday, December 09, 2004

all i am saying

Well, he was on everyone's minds yesterday, but Erin spoke it well. I wasn't going to write my thoughts about John Lennon, but when I saw Erin's thoughtful post, I remembered the burst of emotion I felt the day before the anniversary, when I kicked off the holiday season with a dose of the John Lennon Collection.

To me, the holidays are about John Lennon. I remember gluing myself to the radio on Christmas, listening to the first half of a 30-hour Beatles-marathon with the volume turned down low enough not to bother my father's Blazer game or my anti-Beatle sister (yeah, there's something wrong with her. She doesn't like the Doors, either). I remember Christmas eve, all alone, playing every Beatle album and Lennon CD I had, reading a British magazine Shayna'd found for me that was a tribute to his life. It was one of the most pure Christmas's ever.

So Tuesday, without thinking, I threw on a CD, ready to plunge into the holiday spirit. Fiona and I were rocking around the kitchen, scrubbing dishes, singing at the top of our lungs. It felt great, until I got to the song "Imagine," and thoughts about our country, our stupid war, our unjust prisons, the globablization and corporatization of the world, and then ... I just ... started bawling. I could only think what would John Lennon think if he was still here? What would he write? What would he do?

And I wonder, sitting here, reading about new money for the intelligence community and Bush's plans for another year, What should I think? What should I write? What can I do? And I worry that instant karma has gotten us, and that this country at least will never give peace a chance.

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