Wednesday, October 27, 2004


Well, the Monster finally left the house. He and I had a little showdown over my disciplinary techniques after he whacked Fiona with one of her toys. I blew up at him; she was already acting really scared around him, and she was really tired and wound up. I can see why he got upset with her (she threw a toy at his head), but come on! Who's the adult? [Actually, my dad mostly acts like a big infant.]

When we were kids, Dad always exploded when we did something bad. He never separated the behavior from the person--just yelled and screamed and flailed. And I remember always feeling on edge around him. Never trusting just what he'd do or what I would do to set him off. And I've never felt truly comfortable around him--or any other man, for that matter. They are untrustworthy. They are scary.

What I know is that I don't want Fiona to grow up with those feelings. I am glad there are men in her life who are not my father.

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