Monday, September 20, 2004

Safe harbor

Erin and I hooked up on Saturday, and when she wrote it up in her blog, it was amazingly touching. It hit a chord in me--that "she understands!" chord. The reasons she came home: they're mine. We came home to find safe harbor.

After years on my own (I started college at 16, and except for a handful of holidays, pretty much stayed out in the world), I felt so worn down. There were the overcomeable difficulties, like troubles with jobs and cramped, dingy apartments, and then there were the deeper scars, like the crippling loss of confidence after quitting music. It was starting to get harder and harder to get over the little slings and arrows of my fate (you know, dumb stuff like losing my boyfriend of 4 years); I was just too emotionally exhausted. And I guess I knew deep down there was no way someone as soggy and miserable as me could possibly do any justice to the sweet baby I was given. So I fled.

It's the best decision I've ever made. Sure, I don't have any money, and I feel like a mooch. But I'm whole again. Happy and confident the way I haven't been since I was in high school. And I've broken away from all the crap I've absorbed out there in the world. I'm writing; I'm living; I'm smiling.

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