Fantastic tofu & spinach!

I have no idea what to call this recipe, but I do know that it was a big hit at the dinner table tonight. You can cut back the salt by using real veggie broth and salt to taste, but when you're lazy ...

Fantastic Tofu & Spinach!
1 package (14 oz) extra-firm tofu
1 tsp vegetable bouillon (I used Better than Bouillon brand)
1 1/c C hot water
2 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
1 oz (ish) brandy
1 tsp olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
1 bunch spinach, cleaned and de-stemmed
1/4 C packed basil, in chiffonade
fresh-ground pepper, to taste
1 tb crumbled feta OR if vegan, juice of 1/4 of a lemon

Drain tofu and press under a weight, 10-20 minutes. Prepare marinade: dissolve bouillon in hot water. Stir in 2 cloves crushed garlic and brandy. Dice tofu and immerse in marinade, allowing to soak about 30 minutes.

Heat olive oil in a skillet, adding 1 clove minced garlic. Remove tofu from marinade, reserving the liquid. Add tofu to garlic in hot skillet. Stir until browned. Add spinach and reserved marinade, cooking on low heat until most of the liquid has been absorbed by tofu. Stir in basil. Add pepper and feta (or lemon juice) and serve warm. Serves 2 hungry parents and one hungry kid.

This recipe has the squishy, sexy spinach richness of creamed spinach without the fatty kapowy. The feta adds a tangy piquancy that I enjoyed, but I will probably prepare it vegan-style in the future (feta is kind of pricey, and I really want to cut out the dairy before winter).

Whispers of the Columbia

We made two stops along the Columbia yesterday. One was at Avery Park, a tiny spot about ten miles north of Goldendale. Avery Park is open to the public year-round--except when the fish are running, when it becomes a private Native American fishing ground. It's quiet there. The wind riffles the surface of the river and the birds speak constantly, an exchange of secrets encouraged by the hidden nature of the place. You can not see the little cove from SR 14.

It was strange standing beside the US Army Corps of Engineers Survey marker, just a slender orange post with a white label. Unpreposing. But words "Witness Marker" stirred my imagination. Here a treaty was made. Here a people all but exterminated won back a toe-hold of their world. For how many years did they come down beside the river to take the shining silver fish, the world-makers, the people-savers, the salmon? There was a strange sensation to the air in this park--the feeling of expectancy like an indrawn breath before speech.

What was it ready to tell me? I didn't find out. A man with a jet-ski drove down and got his car stuck on the boat ramp, and we had to give him a jump to get him out of the river. And then we were off, quickly stopping at Horse Thief Lake State Park to see the petroglyphs.

How small they were! How surprisingly tiny! They were like the works of Frida Kahlo, human-sized works with all the presence of a room-sized mural. Removed from the ancient canyons, these sacred carvings cried out in loneliness for their lost brethren, swallowed up by the dammed river.

The last of the glyphs, the biggest, and the one I was most eager to see in person, turns her back to the rock fragments in their careful display. She looks out to the river, just as she always has. I was hoping to see her face, but horribly enough, her trail is closed now, due to vandalism. Who could deface the resting place of She-Who-Watches?

Who could jet-ski in a place sacred to the spirits of the salmon?

Who could damn a river and drown the cathedral of a people?

How I wish I could have heard what the river was going to say!

Blog before I go

Well, the plants are mulched and watered (that was a workout, believe me), most of the bags are packed and the garbage is emptied. Yep, we're ready for vacation. I'm pleased and only a touch nervous. Pleased to get underway and to see my mom, and nervous about keeping two kids occupied on a 7-hour car trip. And keeping my dad from driving me insane during our 3-day visit.

And nervous that my teenage niece will actually water my babies. I mean, the pumpkin is starting to turn orange! The melons are getting bigger! The tomatoes are the size of my fist and showing sunset colors around the stems! Can my lovebugs survive without me?

Whew. Enough drama. I'm going to gather up my dulcimer strings and prepare for my father's irritation with my lack of practice.

Prisoner of Parenting

I know that I lead a good and wonderful life. I am happy that I am a mother. I love my child and the fullness she brings to my life. But honestly? Sometimes I can't believe the psychological damage a child can inflict! In fact, being a parent and being a Prisoner of War share some remarkable similarities.

Think about it. In war, humiliation is a tactic to demoralize a POW. They're given no privacy for bathing and elimination. In a truly horrific facility, they might be targeted with urine or feces. Man, that sounds like infancy and toddlerhood! There were weeks when every day I got peed on. And if you think I can use the restroom in peace today, my six-year-old will gladly set you straight.

Another psychological demoralizer: good-guy/bad-guy tactics. My daughter's picked up on this one. When she gets in trouble or if I do something she doesn't like (today? I sent the neighbor kids home so we could prepare for a trip to the library), she first complains about how everyone is mean to her and how no one loves her, and just when I've about reached the point where I'm about to deliver my dad's famous "If you want something to cry about, I'll give you something to cry about" line, she switches gears. It's time for the "I'm so terrible! I can't do anything right! I'm the worst daughter in the world!" pitch. It crushes my spirit into the dirt.

Inconsistency. Gotta keep those prisoners on their toes. The minute we left the house, the kid was holding my hand and telling me a story. No tears. A big grin on her face. All trauma forgotten, at least for the next few hours.

But I didn't use the bathroom while we out. No sir. I'm too smart for that. Those public bathroom stalls leave plenty of room for the little monster to crawl into my stall and talk about my "marshmallow tummy." You haven't lived until an entire public restroom's worth of women know your kid thinks you're chubby.

Domesticity break

1st draft of dress: check. Homemade focaccia: check. Freshly baked zucchini bread: check. Top of stove uncovered: check, check & check. That should be enough domesticity to last me a couple of days!

Gearing up for a trip to the folks's house. Got a few deadlines to beat, so I plan to knock out some stuff tonight, but right now, feeling the blogging urge.

I just read a note from a friend who successfully completed her super-in-depth book outline. I've never been much of an outliner, but I like her idea. She calls it the Craptastic Speed Copy, and it's sort of an outline-1st draft hybrid that pushed her out of that beautiful-writing mindset and into "this is actually what is going to happen in my darn story." Her (epic--this thing is going to be multi-voluminous) project ran her 60,000 words.

I might try the Craptastic Speed Copy for Nanowrimo this year. Or not ... this is going to be my first horror Nano, so creating mood is going to be my biggest challenge. The first year I did Nano, I worked through a convoluted story spanning about 30 years--I could have really used the CSC method! Last year I had a solid idea for the story, but the project was pretty much crap (although it inspired one great short story). This year, though. I have high hopes for this year. Anybody else out there have their projects lined up for Nanowrimo? Anybody even doing Nanowrimo?

Flowergirl dress

Whew! The sample edition of the flowergirl dress is complete. It was a little big in the waist for Fiona's preference, so that means I can make the whole thing pattern size 7 and it should be fine. It turned out really cute, too!

I am still terrified to work with all those fancy fabrics, though.

Okay, off to make zucchini bread. All this domestic goddess stuff is wearing me out, but there's just so much to get done before we leave for Mom & Dad's house that I just have to hustle my bustle.

I AM Winnie Woo-hoo

My dad pretty much refuses to use people's real names if they're related to him. (Hmmn, looks like I inherited more than brown hair from the guy...) He calls my mom "Frau;" he calls my brother "Fritz;" he calls my nephew "Eli;" he calls my sister "Monkey." He always calls me "Winnie," and when I was a little girl, he loved to call me "Winnie Woo-hoo."

Now, I didn't mind Winnie Woo-hoo until we moved to the town of Bonanza, where my sister attended high school with a boy whose last name was Wu. Then my whole family decided to tease me about marrying this guy so my name really would be Winnie Wu. I freaked out. (Nothing like being 5 to make you grossed out by the very suggestion of matrimony.) And after that, I refused to be called Winnie Woo-hoo, going so far as to give one snarky 9-year-old a bloody nose in retaliation.

But my dad's nicknames have a strange kind of rightness about them. For example, unbeknownst to my family, my sister was born in the year of the Monkey, and I was born in the year of the Horse (which whinny, in case you didn't know). That seemed striking enough, but recently my reading took me into the realm of Chinese names, where I learned that the surname "Wu" comes from a Chinese word for witch. And the woman's name "Hu" means tiger. As someone with a lifelong interest in the occult and supernatural, it seems like a remarkable coincidence.

And so I wonder if somehow my father's name for me steered me toward my path in life. It definitely contributed to my dream of being a bad ass (still unfulfilled, but a dream, nonetheless). And it gave me a secet identity, one that only my family knew, which I think is no slight contributing factor in my interest in character and identity. Important interests for a writer!

On the other hand, I hope there's nothing deeper to these silly nicknames. After all, what on earth could a handle like "Fritz" have done to my brother?

I like the drug

It's appropriate that Socrates called writing a pharmakon--a drug. (His reasons, by the way, are complex and interesting... run out and read Plato's Phaedo for the lowdown.) That's how I treat it, like a drug, both addictive and curative. When I'm not writing, I despair. When I am writing, I'm on top of the world. I don't know if writing pushes aside unhappiness or if not writing creates it.

There are plenty of other writers who talk about the link between not writing and depression. Ramsey Campbell (personal hero) said it particularly well. I can't remember the name of the story and I'm going to butcher the quote, but he said something like "Writing is what I do so as not to face the depression of not writing." And that's it, exactly. I write so I don't have to live with the downer of not doing it.

Does that make me an addict? Yep. Should I seek a 12-step support group? Hmmmn. I think I'll just join the HWA.

But one other thing about this pharmakon called writing: much like marijuana, it's a gateway drug. It opens the doors to multiple substance abuses. Some people take it too far (Stephen King himself turned to cocaine once, and Hemingway was a notorious alcoholic), but most of us keep a handle on the addictive substances, limiting ourselves to the trifecta of caffeine, fat and sugar. Me? I'm nursing a cup of tea as I type, and there's a cup of cocoa waiting for me right after I tuck the kid into bed.

A scary day at the kiddie mus

So my kiddo keeps asking me for a baby sister, and I keep trying to explain to her that she's it. The one and only. She is going to be an only child, for many, many reasons.

Maybe the biggest reason of all comes from watching kids hurt themselves in the museum. Here's a place designed for maximum safety, a place that has its own safety committe, a place that studies literature on the subject of keeping kids safe ... and we get 2 or 3 kids a week trying to kill themselves. Running into walls. Pulling shelves over on themselves. Falling off anything they can possibly fall off.

I couldn't survive another kid. Just watching children play makes my blood pressure rise. The fact that there are 9 billion people on this planet seems impossible to me after watching the antics of these death-embracing little tykes.

Now, Fi was good. She was very concerned with her own safety and to this very day, usually refrains from an activity until she's certain it's safe. So you know what that would mean? If we had another kid, it would be a regular daredevil.

I saw all this now, but in ten years (fingers firmly crossed that in 10 years I will not be working at Chimu) when Fi's studying for her SATs and I've forgotten the trauma of toddler head injuries, watch me. I'll be wishing we had a second little monster to shower with love. That's when we get a pet.

Soul mates

Once or twice while reading, I have stumbled across a voice that reaches out to me with a soul-seizing grip. A voice that immediately resonates deeply across the psyche, and upon further exploration of that speaker's works becomes profoundly nourishing. In a roundabout way, I guess I'm saying that there are writers whose words speak to the soul and feed it.

For me, there are two of these writers. One is a man I consider my spiritual big brother: Neil Gaiman. When I read The Wolves in the Walls, I knew I had found someone who spoke my language, and when I read Coraline, I knew I'd found a hero. I felt as if he had gone into the same realm that I inhabited and come back with a bit of a map. Not a complete map in any way, but certainly a fragment of one of the mysterious land's shores.

The other man is the father of my Writing Self, Stephen King. Now, I loved Stephen King as a young reader, but I didn't realize that he would be my spiritual guide until I read On Writing, a book that just about made me cry with joy. It gave my inner writer CPR after I'd nearly drowned it in angst and literary fiction. You see, I'll never be a writer of literary fiction, but On Writing made me proud that I heard the call of spec fiction. And yes, it made me proud to be me.

Tonight, I'm raising my glass to Stephen King. He saved me. He inspired me, and every time I just about give up on my latest project, I pull out some of his wisdom and feel a whole lot better. Thanks, Steve!

I am a big, big sinner

Forgive me, for I have sinned. Now, I'm not talking about those trifles--fornicating, having babies out of wedlock, telling lies, neglecting my plants, or coveting my neighbor's anything. I'm talking about the big one. The worst sin of all.

I bought premade pie crust.

Please don't tell my mom.

Okay, you can laugh. Laugh as much as you like. But some kids grow up going to church and learning about Jesus or Mohammed or at least picking up a stray Hebrew phrase. My house, we ate pie. We take it pretty damn seriously. As we have no other idol or saint who speaks to us, the worship of pie is not undertaken lightly; I am pretty sure my mother has pledged her soul to the creation of perfect crust and magical fillings. For that, she is a high priestess of her art.

I would make my own piecrust, except I'm too lazy to clear space on the counter, and because making pie crust makes me break out in a nervous sweat. It is the anxiety of a worshipper who kows she might fail her god.

Today I not only failed my idol (and Mom), but when I attempted to cap my pot pie (at least we're talking pot pie, which is not the holiest of holies), the purchased crust ripped and crumbled and looked awful. I nearly cried. Not only do I quail in the face of creating my own crust, I can't even treat the store-bought stuff with proper respect!

There's only one fit punishment for this kind of failure. I'll have to eat a slice of the Safeway brand lemon meringue pie in the fridge. It's a long way from Marie Callendar's, and my mom would probably throw it away.

Rough draft--done

Whew. Finished the very first draft of a dark crime story set in Portland, circa 1890. It was inspired by this story, from Slabtown Chronicle, a blog I find fascinating. It is all about crime in Portland. 98% of the time, it's just depressing. 2% of the time, it's incredibly inspiring. Obviously, this is one of those inspiring entries.

Now I will let the story sit on the back burner for about a week while I get a package ready for the Orycon Writers Workshop. I'd like to send the first 7500 words of the first novel I wrote, which is currently in its 3rd or 4th revision (okay, this time it's really a giant major rewrite!), but then I also have to include a synopsis, which means I need to undestand all those major changes I'm planning to make. Yikes! Sounds like some serious work.

Well, time to relax a little and hope Sweetie-pie took me seriously when I told him he had to bring home pie tonight.

Whahhhhh!

That's how I feel about writing this whole summer. I don't think I'm the kind of writer who does well with changes in my routine, so needless to say, I can't wait for September. I will have to physically restrain myself from kissing Fiona's 1st grade teacher on the mouth when I meet the woman. She's the one who will take my child away from me! Hooray!

On the nice side of things, we had no neighbors last night, so John and I snuck into the back yard with blankets, beer and snacks and watched the stars. Or at least the stars in each other's eyes. It's mind-boggling that Funyuns can be so romantic.

American Gods

Summer has not been good for reading. With my transit time eaten up entertaining a midget (at least the latest kid book, Ballet Shoes, has been a good one), I just haven't been able to get in as much reading as I'd really like. But now I've picked up American Gods, by Neil Gaiman, and am finding it fairly absorbing. Maybe I'll read a bunch right now!

Also, I would like to point out that I am sitting in my basement right now, because the upstairs is hot enough to melt cheese. No, I am not exaggerating. I left a bag of shredded cheese on the counter for 25 minutes and came back to make a snack to find it melted into greasy lumps. And while I have to admit that one small sick part of me has been sort of enjoying the heat, I was a little grossed out by this.

Run and catch up!

Last week's adventures in a wrap: kid breaks arm; apartment next door needs viewing and applicants (and that's my job); Harry Potter 6 until 1 am (talking afterward til 2); picnic in park with Lunch Bunch; Maelstrom the Zombie Opera followed by flaming deep-fried Snickers; art adventures at the Portland Art Museum.

Whew.

This is just a pause to catch my breath before taking a trip to the coast! I can't wait to taste a Sugar Shack Bakery donut for the first time in 2 years.

22 & 1/4 pounds of blueberries!

That's how many blueberries we picked yesterday at Morningshade Farms! Oh, it was lovely. I am not sure how many blueberries I ate yesterday, but I know I consumed more than 1 pint on my own. That's not counting the blueberries in our delicious blueberry cobbler for dessert.

You know, I've never had enough blueberries before. They're always so expensive at the grocery store. I've never been able to just gorge on them, eat to the very brink of a blueberry overload, and then dip down into the depths of cooked blueberry deliciousness. Wow. And now, not only have I eaten massive quantities of raw blues, I've loaded up the freezer, baked a dessert, and I'm bracing myself for a canning session tonight.

Oh! And I even made a blueberry juice cocktail last night. Now that's a day of blueberry madness!

"That's Why We Don't Eat Animals"

I would say that 80% of the time, I feel pretty mainstream about being a vegetarian, but some times are harder than others. Poor Fiona. She was the only vegetarian in her kindergarten, and now she's the only vegetarian in camp. They had broccoli and chicken strips for a snack the other day and it just about broke her heart.

Not that it's always easy for me, either. For example, a few weeks ago the Zombie Squad forum got sidetracked talking about meat. It was a thread about scheduling a meeting, and I kept checking it, excited, and then getting another rave about Kobe beef burgers or fois gras sandwiches or shit like that. And after a while, I just blew up. I was like "this thread isn't for food, it's for scheduling meetings, and plus, I'm a vegetarian, and this is bothering me." So then somebody (okay, he is the slightly crazy old guy, but still) posts:

So lets set this straight;It's summer time; I lived through 7 months of winter; It was 36 degrees last night but if I mention BBQ I'm a Hater? Or is she just a VICTIM?Since the area I live in is surrounded by appox 3000 head of beef cattle, whom after eating grass nourished by sun and soil, are DOOMED to die by being slaughtered and consumed by omnivores offends thee Winnie3K, I only have one suggestion. Stay Away!

This from a guy who was always pretty friendly. Now, a foe.

Needless to say, I was pretty happy to find the very cute kids book That's Why We Don't Eat Animals at the library. It has charming pictures and discusses clearly (and a little depressingly) what life is like for animals who live on factory farms. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel pretty damn good about being a vegetarian, which you need sometimes--especially after the twentieth time you've heard some along the lines of "I'll stop eating X when they stop tasting so good."

Yeah, the worst thing about being a vegetarian? Being tormented by something the vast majority of people think of only as a matter of taste. To me, a restaurant menu reads like a horror novel. A disagreement over BBQ styles is like a news report from the subSahara--fucking depressing with overtones of the macabre. And the "normal" people around me just shake their heads and wonder how I can live without the flavor.

Cuteness!

The northern flicker came back to the feeder this morning. I can't even believe how cute those guys are. This bird feeder thing is the best thing EVER.

In semi-related notes, I just want to point out that gardening is an emotional roller coaster. One second you're like: Yee-haw! The first tomato of the season! And then you're like: NOOOO!! Powder mildew on the strawberry plants! You don't know whether to rend your clothes or dance.

In the world of writing, another rejection. Coupled with this week's general exhaustion and no work since Monday, I am not feeling very groovy about work. In fact, I feel destined to spend the rest of my days at the museum, bitter and grouchy. Sigh. Maybe tonight's moviefest -- CHINATOWN! -- will cheer me up.

Me posty!

Whoah! How have I gone so long without posting? I haven't shared the heartbreak of Fiona's last week of school (who knew a kid could cry so much about finishing kindergarten?); the humor of Skinny Bitch, the most refreshing diet/vegetarianism book I've ever read; or the madcap adventure of a Father's Day celebrated in Sandy (no, Joe's Donuts is not the best donuts in Oregon, but the Goodwill in Gresham is a treat).

Good times.

This is short because I've got some editing to do. I didn't make my usual list because I didn't do any reading today, and the most notable thing I ingested was actually a delicious coffee cocktail my sister whipped up while I was hanging out at her house. Yumm. Boooooooze.

Tuckered

Reading: Lost Boy Lost Girl by Peter Straub
Coffee: Enough to give me both a headache and a stomach ache.
Notable nibbles: Tasty sandwich.
Writing: Back to the Linnea grindstone.

It's amazing how an hour and a half of revision can leave a girl so worn out! It's intense, wearing work. Every word weighs on you. Every character looks suspicious, like a potential trouble-maker that must be watched over, kept in line.

But I get the night off to play games with my sweetie pie and some ZS pals, so it's a good reward!

Ohhh ... and I've set aside the 2008 Nanowrimo in favor of the 2007. Why? Because I'm a dork. That's why. I just can't commit to anything. I have the hope that I will get out of this revision panic and be able to finish something. I don't know if it will pan out, but that's the dream!

A fog of writing panic

Reading: Yoga Journal
Writing: revision for "One Lost Soul"
Coffee units: 3?
Notable nibbles: Sunny Blueberry Muffins (recipe from Vegan with A Vengeance)

Got about 900 new words put into "One Lost Soul." I am more than a little worried that the original draft will be unusable. The more I read, the worse it gets. I just hope I can write enough to get it done before November! I can't believe how quickly Nanowrimo is coming up.

Had a friend over for brunch this morning. She is a fellow veg-head and very into animal rights. It always recharges my vegetarian convictions to hang out with her!

I originally planned to have a super-muffin feast for our brunch, but the first batch of muffins (corn & chile) turned out horrible, with this nasty metallic aftertaste that made me want to scrape my tongue off. The awesome thing is that I put one out by the bird feeder and some plucky fellow made off with it! I now plan to save the bad muffins in the freezer and put slices of them out in the suet feeder when it gets low. The crows and jays go crazy on the suet, and that stuff gets kind of spendy!

One slow train

Reading: The Bitter Taste of Time, by Bea Gonzalez
Writing: revision for "One Lost Soul"
Coffee units: 2.5
Notable nibbles: orange-carrot-banana juice

I'm feeling much more confident about this revision that previous attempts in the revising world. I've got my notebook and I'm USING it, which is a pretty good trick. It's so easy to become absorbed the details, ever so many of them, that the goals of the project get swallowed up in them. I have to keep going back to the book and pinning myself down. What am I doing? What is supposed to be happening? Who the heck are these people?

Not that this is going to be easy. The project is getting a major make-over. I wanted the piece to have an ominous tone and feature some scary supernatural activity, but in my Nanowrimo haze, the scenes I produced are much more chirpy fantasy than supernatural. The bad guys got over-explained and under-experienced and I was very disappointed when I got done.

Despite all that disappointment, when I picked up the manuscript last month, I was impressed with some of the stuff I had written. There's a lot of great stuff in this project, and I am hoping to dig it out and shore it up.

Of course, I'm working slowly. I am still tired after last week's adventures in food poisoning. Hopefuly this little train will kick it up a notch and really get this project done quickly!

Also, after almost a month, the animals have finally found our bird feeders! So far we have only gotten sparrows, crows, jays and a squirrel, but they are all so cute I don't even care. Virtual pets! Hooray! And I owe it all to the suet feeder. That thing is popular; it's like critter crack. In fact, I hope we don't go broke keeping it full!

I, Anonymous

Here's the comment someone left about the last post:
"Too bad you spent your time in the wrong places. Spend time where the real locals do in Bend, and you might enjoy it. Try not to be so closed minded."

What could that last little dig be about? I understand the first couple of lines--hey! You missed out on a bunch of great stuff!--but the last line? I don't get it. And whoever wrote it left it anonymously, you just have to imagine they put it in to be pissy.

Suggestions or a nice travel guide (with a map, and maybe some directions) could have made this a wonderful comment. Could have given me the tools to become a real Bend lover. But an anonymous pissy comment? LAME.

Goody's redeems the city of Bend

Reading: Floating Dragon, Peter Straub
Writing: submitted a story to an e-zine; tons of editing (2 projects) ahead
Coffee units: 4
Notable nibbles: salad made with my own veg.

Bend sucks. Sisters makes it look pretty good by comparison, though.

Central Oregon is one of the most beautiful and interesting places on the planet. The scars of tremendous volcanic activity, little scathed by the brutal forces of water, reveal themselves at every turn. There are beautiful caves and mountains. There are fantastic rapids and waterfalls in those places water has eked out for itself. And then there are the high desert forests, smelling sweetly of pitch, vanilla and orange rind.

Too bad people live there.

I realized, returning to the pseudo-town of Sunriver after exploring downtown Bend, that Central Oregon is the place where the middle class goes to party and white trash goes to live. Then we drove through Tumalo and Sisters, where cookie cutter mansions, bloated faux-log monstrosities that repeat themselves across an irrigated landscape--and I realized that Central Oregon is where the rich keep their second homes. I thought I might puke. Then I realized I was just suffering from a sugar-induced coma, inflicted by the sweetness of the faux-Western fronts of the buildings in Sisters.

I felt bitter as we drove over the McKenzie Pass (missing out on the Dee Wright Observatory due to a road closure, perhaps fire-related). Fortunately, we had to stop in Detroit to pee and buy ice cream. There is a tiny shop called KC's there. It's in a small pink house. The ladies who own it are normal middle-aged ladies, and the ice cream is delicious, the coffee is acceptable, and the bathroom is adorable, in the way a bathroom becomes when decorated by two quirky ladies with a lot of burlap coffee sacks on their hands.

So despite the cute ground squirrels, the amazing birds and butterflies, the wonderful High Desert Museum, and the cheap rental with a hot tub, I doubt we'll be headed back to Sunriver anytime too soon. But of course, we will go back. I still want to see Big Obsidian, and even if Bend is an armpit, it's still an armpit with an old fashioned soda fountain. God damn, that chocolate coke with cream was good!

Slack-a-lackin

Reading: just finished Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett
Writing: procrastinating!
Coffee units: 4
Notable nibbles: well, John prepared the frozen broccoli. That's pretty awesome.

Okay, I'm supposed to be producing words about now. And I will, I'm sure. It's just hard to focus when it's practically vacation time!

Yesterday we enjoyed some impromptu vacation, since John had the day off. We just decided to go visit Mt. Saint Helens. Hooray! We hiked around outside of the Johnston Ridge Observatory, where there is a decidedly wonderful hiking trail amongst the baby alder trees. It was beautiful, sunny and cool, and the icy breeze coming off the peak made the lack of shade enjoyable. (Yesterday, anyway. Today my scalp is letting me know that no shade does not make skin happy.) We even saw ground squirrels and horned larks, two very adorable creatures.

After our hike, we stopped for pizza (Papa Pete's Pizza in Castle Rock) and coffee (C&L Burgers, Ice Cream and Espresso). They were out of regular coffee, so we had Americanos to which the girl kindly added a liberal dose of half-and-half. I am ashamed to say that after 15+ years of mocking Americanos, I found this to be one of the most delicious coffee beverages of my life. I just might become a convert!

And let me add that I drank that Americano without sugar. I've spent my whole life loving sweet coffee, and now I'm going over to the dark side. Who knew it could happen? I just know that I can't wait to be on the open road on Thursday morning, a strong cup of black coffee in one hand and an Acme donut in the other!

Chocolate chickpea cake part deux

I want to be clear on something here. I am not an exceptionally good or nice person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have morals and I try to be decent, but I am more lazy than I am good. So it's not very often when I get to shine up my halo, and it's all because of that chocolate chickpea cake.

While the cake didn't turn out as luxuriously truffle-ish as the last time I made it (okay, I should have listened to Fiona when she was like "Take the cake out of the oven, Mom. NOW."), it was still acceptable, if a titch dry in the corners. With enough strawberries and whipped cream, dry can be managed. Everyone who tried the cake seemed to like it, and our gluten-free ZS member took seconds. Hooray! I didn't even know if the guy liked cake, or chocolate, but since this is one of the few cakes I really like, I felt like I needed to bring it out for him.

But the good part happened just a few minutes ago. I remembered that my neighbor was just recently diagnosed with gluten intolerance, and that she and her family were struggling with it. And lightning struck! I had a lot of cake left (that's what happens when the family 5 you're planning to fete at a baby shower misses the event), and I knew I would probably gobble it all up if I kept it around. So I took half of it to the neighbor's house!

Her husband answered the door and called her over with a "Honey! Gluten-free cake!" And I swear I have never seen a hand move so fast or eyes shine so brightly. Her kids had come home from something that night eating cookies and she was really suffering. That cake saved the day.

I went home happy, my dusty halo gleaming over my head.

Chocolate chickpea cake and romaine salad

Reading: the Willamette Week drink guide
Writing: hopefully, yes
Coffee units: 1. God, that needs to change!
Notable nibbles: apple slice with cinnamon

I just want to point out that those questions are much harder at 10 in the morning. Normally I wouldn't be blogging until at least 7 pm, but today, I had a thought on my trip home from the grocery store.

Tomorrow we're going to a potluck, and I planned to bring healthier choices--one of my friends just had a heart attack, and I don't want to tempt him with anything too decadent. (As if I could tempt this guy--I just learned he used to chef for a 4-star restaurant. Not that I'm worried or anything.) So I picked up some salad ingredients and stuff for that amazing chocolate chickpea cake that rocked our world last month, and somehow or other, walking along in the sunshine, I started imagining just how my world premier appearance on Oprah would proceed.

OPRAH: Here's Wendy Wagner, writer, mom and all-around amazingly cute woman. Wendy, I understand that you successfully lost 60 pounds a few years ago and have kept it off. What's your secret?

ME: I think first you have to recognize that you have to love yourself, and you can't be too hard on yourself. (Patting fat rolls) I'm still no super-model, Oprah! (laughter) But I think the first rule of success is simple.

OPRAH: Please, share it with our studio audience and folks at home.

ME: You just have to say, "No! You can NOT have that cookie!" No matter what. It doesn't matter if you walked 5 miles or haven't eaten anything all day. Cookies are evil.

OPRAH: Ohhh, that's deep. Don't you agree, folks? (crowd cheers) Do you have any other advice, Wendy?

ME: Well, if you really want the pounds to come off, you can step things up with rule #2: "If that has cheese on it, it's not going in my mouth." Yeah, that'll do it every time. Cheese makes cookies look like innocent girl scouts. It's pure fat.

(crowd cheers louder; Oprah wipes a tear from her cheek. I smile and wave--)

Anyway, before I could step into Oprah's arms for a soul-to-soul hug, I nearly got hit by a minivan and I stopped daydreaming. But I guess that's how I lost 60 pounds in a year and kept it off. I could stand to lose another twenty, but there's no way in the world I'm cutting out pie.

Jen rocks!

Reading: Richard Matheson: The Collected Stories, vol 1
Writing: finished 1st draft of Mayan apocalype story; began revision of another
Coffee units: 3.5
Notable nibbles: strawberry-spinach salad

I just returned from a very enjoyable reading by the very amusing Jen Lancaster. I was accompanied by the incomparable E, who is the one who introduced me to blogging and books born from blogs.

Sometimes you just have to go do something like a girl.

This weekend turned out nutty, of course. The balance between Zombie Squad and family didn't work out quite as well as I would have liked, and I missed the main event, which was apparently crappy for the ZS crew. I feel like an asshole--you know, like that person I've been trying to put behind me, who always flaked out at the last minute because she got overwhelmed and freaked out. (Hey, I can still feel guilty as hell even I wasn't doing any actual flaking. I'd like to point some fingers at the US Navy. But I'd still feel like a jerk.)

I probably wouldn't feel so guilty if I hadn't had such a good time being with the kid. You know, I am really going to miss my brother! Thank goodness it's just 4 months.

Okay, I've got some writing to do. I think. This Lohra revision is seriously kicking my ass. It just isn't as fun to knuckle down and clean up the disaster of this book as it is to write stories. But if I want to have a book to sell, I better get off my ass!

OMG!

Reading: just finished The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman. Totally enjoyable!
Writing: started new story while drinking coffee at the Artemis
Coffee units: 4. But who's counting?
Notable nibbles: Shaker lemon pie (at the Artemis Cafe, of course)

So much going on I have decompress before I get down to work. I'm not even sure if I can manage complete sentences right now, because I'm just too full of emotion to think properly. So I'll list, even if that's incredibly lame.

1. My adorable baby brother leaves for the Persian Gulf next weekend.
2. My adorable baby brother arrives at my house Friday night for one last hootenanny.
3. Saturday is Zombie Prom, the most exciting day of May!
4. Saturday my family is celebrating my adorable baby brother.
5. My best friend in the world is GOING WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING! Tomorrow!
6. Might do something too nutty and exciting to blog about today.

Whew. I'm breathing out the strung-out energy and breathing in peace. Whew. Okay. Yeah, maybe I won't get much sleep this weekend, but it'll be okay.

Oh, and number 6? I'll keep you posted.

It's page 80, folks

Reading: Children of Poe, edited by Peter Straub
Writing: none, duh--that's why I'm blogging
Coffee units: 3
Noteworthy nibbles: veggie wraps with edamame and yogurt cheese.

So at some point in time, I kind of promised myself I would save Lohra and her friends. Her book is horribly damaged--absolute first-time-novelling crap--but I love Lohra and Tris and their entire posse of whacky guys. Imagining them dying an ignomious death at the bottom of my junk drawer just seems ... wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. I *have* to rewrite it.

But of course, I've hit page 80 and now I am panicking. Page 80 in this version? It's 197 in the original. That's 110 pages on the cutting room floor! Where am I going to get 90,000 words to put in this story? I'll be lucky to clear 50K! Oh my god, I think I might be hyperventilating.

Okay, relax, Wendy. You can do this. With an intervention from some gods and Starbucks, this book will happen. And it will be done. DONE.

Man, I just don't know if there's enough coffee in the world to succeed at this task!

Sunshine!!!

Reading: Children of Poe, anthology
Writing/editing: still high from finishing a great story the night before last
Coffee units: 1, but more SOON
Noteworthy nibbles: smoothie!

I already feel productive this morning, since I hot-footed it down to the food co-op to pick up some donation items for our ZS raffle. It is so much fun to shop when you're not spending your own money! I almost blew all our dough on Sigg water bottles and vegan condoms, but I paced myself, and we have a few more dollars for the future.

I've got plenty of stuff left on my to-do list, but the sun is so cheery and it's warm and the birds are chirping and I'm distracted. There is nothing like Oregon spring to distract me from anthing I ought to be doing. Rewriting a novel? Loading the dishwasher? Catching up on a week of laundry? I have to admit, puttering in the garden or going for a walk sounds waaaay more exciting.

Also, I have to admit that after 30 Day of Night last night, I'm just pleased to live in a place that even has sunshine. I've never wanted to live in Barrow, Alaska, but that film certainly makes it look awful!

Day of the half-alive brain-dead

• Reading: The Northwest Nature Guide, by James Luther Davis
• Writing/editing: nada, but maybe a little Lohra action in a minute
• Coffee units: 2
• Noteworthy nibbles: orange creamsicle, hopefully to be followed soon by a strawberry popsicle.

Okay, so an orange creamsicle isn't exactly the healthy follow-up to lunch that I ought to be enjoying, but my throat is sore and I have no voice, so I'm indulging in all the cold slurpables I want. Take that, winter flu! (Still assuming this is the winter flu and not H1N1 or, in my personal opinion, The-Virus-of-Endless-Exhaustion.) Yeah, this flu business isn't helping my healthy eating or working out goals for the month. I spent 2 hours napping this morning.

That kind of lifestyle also doesn't help my writing output at all. It also doesn't help that post-kiddo-bedtime, my usual writing time, is the time when I sit here, drooling, half-asleep, barely able to type the words "the cat sat on the mat." The only thing I've successfully completed are Facebook quizzes. I am apparently Anne Shirley, the queen of the zombie killers, and I'll probably find out what element I am before the day is through.

Uggh.

Uggh.

Home sick. But I'm placing much faith on the curative power of The Princess Diaries. How did Julie Andrews become so wonderful?

Hell fires

Reading: Hell House, by Richard Matheson
Writing/editing: nada
Coffee units: 3
Noteworthy nibbles: asparagus and goat cheese risotto

While I'd like to work through some editing and sketch out some ideas for a new story, the slight fever I'm running reccomends an early bedtime. I'm just waiting for the kiddo to fall asleep, and then it's time to snooze!

Needless to say, since I'm slacking, I felt perfectly justified finishing Hell House. What an awesome book! Truly scary and truly inspirational. I am hoping to create a few haunted stories now!

I just hope I don't get as sick as John's been. Poor guy! He's barely eaten anything in two days, and last night he slept in the basement to stay close to the bathroom. I really missed him. Pink Poodle is a pretty cuddly stuffed animal, but not even close to a sweetpea.

playing catch up

Reading: re-reading I Capture the Castle, by Dodie Smith
Writing/editing: worked up a 2nd draft of the werewolf story
Coffee units: 2.5
Noteworthy nibbles: saltine crackers with red pepper hummus

John is home sick today. I would joke that it's the swine flu, but that seems too chancy. Poor guy. His tummy is killing him.

It felt wonderful to sit down with my story about Ellen the werewolf and do some work on it. I mostly filled in some blanks that had been rushed out of the first draft, and I have to admit I did insert an image that was totally stolen from the office where we have ZS meetings. I had almost given up on this story, but my writing partner was eager for something to read this week, and I didn't have anything else that was close to ready. So I am going to print it up and subject Sue to it. Poor woman.

Other than that, I merely tidied up my desk, read a bit and daydreamed about the ballet that John and I saw on Saturday. It was a wonderful performance, and the ballet men were magnificent. Yay, culture!

Snackfabulations!

• Reading: just finished Killing Bridezilla, by some funny chick mystery writer. What? I love the chick lit!
• Writing/editing: just got home from work, so ... no.
• Coffee units: 2 (the 2nd pot is still brewing)
• Noteworthy nibbles: fresh sheep's milk cheese (the milk came from sheep milked Tuesday!) with French bread, apple slices and organic Californian strawberries

Really, there hasn't been much exciting to post about besides the delicious snack. This is what happens when I stop at New Seasons on the way home from work and John is at home with a sick midget, needing a snack. YUM.

I also just want to point out that stores that actually expect to sell clothes should carry clothes in sizes beyond S and XS. What is up with that? I stopped by the cutest shop yesterday and would have been tempted ... except that apparently my body is unwelcome in those clothes. Weirdly enough, the shopgirl was awesomely nice.

Cute sick midget

Reading: re-reading I Capture the Castle, by Dodie Smith
Writing/editing: worked a bit on Lohra, ch 3, but plan to delete everything I did
Coffee units: 3
Noteworthy nibbles: Mentos

Also noteworthy, but not for a good reason: the asiago potato salad from Fred Meyer. Unfortunately, what's noteworthy is that it has bacon in it. But not on the label. Bummer.

Today was a great day, even though I spent it indoors, listening for Fi. She stayed home sick, the poor little tyke--fevery, pukey, miserable. BUT I did get the ZSC011 Facebook page all set up AND I finally cleaned the corner of the counter in the kitchen. We had a little shelf in there that John took out and replaced with a much cuter shelf, and there was all kinds of what-not and mess all over the counter after that project. I feel much better now that it's not dirty.

But yesterday--yesterday was a fantastic day! I spent the entire afternoon with my friend Erin, catching up on girly chitchat (like her wedding plans! Some cute little girl just might get to play flower girl this fall!), and then I had ZS at night, where I got to enjoy anti-girly chitchat. I even did a little running in the morning.

So. Good times. Now I just hope I don't get Fiona's flu!

Blogging just because I can!

I got to work early today so I am taking a second to post a blog. Because I totally can!!

Yesterday's ZS sewing bee was an awesomely good time. I can't say enough good stuff about my ZS crew. Or the spinach salad (hold the chicken) from Burgerville. Man, if you're going to sit down in the park with your friends and eat lunch, I highly recommend that spinach salad!

Tofu, Rice, Veg

Reading: Cockatiels at Seven, some chick mystery writer
Writing/editing: hopefully starting Chapter 3 of Lohra version 2.1!
Coffee units: 3--yay! I bought creamer!
Noteworthy nibbles: Tofu, Rice & Veg

Finally! After almost 3 years as a vegetarian, I have come up with a comfort meal as satisfying as baked chicken. But to do it, I had to make the discovery that not all tofu is created equal. Tonight's TRV (Tofu, Rice & Veg) was acceptable--I used Woodstock Farm's extra-firm, and it's firm, but not amazing. There's some crazy local brand at People's that kicks its ass, and after I discovered its solid, fork-resistant texure, it's hard to even look at anything else. Trader Joe's 2-pack of super firm is almost good enough ... but I was at New Seasons, and I had to make do.

I can't believe it took me this long to realize that the tofu I get at Safeway and Fred Meyer's is pathetic, squishy stuff. I had noticed that I made better tofu sometimes than others, but I never blamed the tofu itself. Just me. But I'm okay! It's not me, it's the industrialized soy stuff. Yay!

Anyway, once you get some good, super-duper firm tofu, go ahead and marinade it. Don't be afraid of the salt products--they're your friends. Bouillon or soup base, 1 or 2 Tbs of soy sauce, some booze, some crushed garlic: it's nothing fancy. Soak it for 15 minutes or so, then toss the marinade and the tofu into a skillet and let it heat up. Eventually the tofu will slurp up all the marinade and become brown and delicious. Do whatever you like to the rice, as long as it's not too fancy, and find some kind of basic, tasty veg: broccoli fits the bill, but tonight I went crazy and bought some asparagus. It's finally available from CA, so I bought some. Consider it a warm-up for the Washington season. Anyway, chuck it all on the plate and pretend you're a normal family, enjoying a meal with three distinct food groups that don't touch or ask for sauce.

Yeah. It's as June Cleaver as I get nowadays.

We gathered together

Reading: Darker Than You Think, Jack Williamson
Writing/editing: critiquing for my writing partner
Coffee units: 5 (is that bad?)
Noteworthy nibbles: creme brulee at Pix

I can totally explain the five cups of coffee. See, the Ahabs (John's brother and sister-in-law) came down Friday night. Saturday night my brother surprised us all with a (20 hour) visit. The combination of visitors and awesome games shorted my sleep cycle by a chunk or two, and then I sat around for an hour just chatting with Jak. Just chatting, in my family, means drinking coffee and running off at the mouth. So I had some extra coffee. And then some with dessert. And then some when I got home.

Soooo yummy. Coffee is wonderful.

It's hard to explain how nice the weekend turned out. Sometimes a lot of company can be too exciting, but we balanced everything out and I feel peaceful, warm and fuzzy.

Oh, and exhausted. Maybe I should have another cup of coffee?

Friday, I'm in love

Reading: Darker Than You Think, Jack Williamson!
Writing/editing: --made 1300 words on the Lohra rewrite already!
Coffee units: 1.5 + 1 cup of hot cocoa!
Noteworthy nibbles: hopefully going out for dinner tonight!

This is the kind of day where a girl just wants to use a lot of exclamation points. I managed to get a quick (10 minute) "run" in this morning (I ran a little, walked a little), which makes me feel like a champ. I will probably do a lot of walking this afternoon, but getting in some speed first thing in the day is pretty neat. Don't tell my sister, though. She's been trying to convert me to running for forever, and I don't want her to get smug.

Last night I saw the movie Paprika. What a great movie! I highly recommend it.

Writing has gone badly this week, but this morning I am off to a good start. The Lohra re-write is more re-writing and less editing. Looking at the previous draft is like looking at a 125,000 word outline that isn't necessarily correct. There's a ton of work to be done, but I feel very confident. It helps that every single rewritten passage is about 250X better than the original!

I am really hoping this rewriting goes well, because I haven't had the best luck with editing and revision in the past. I am good at churning out the crap and good at editing short stories, but when it comes to a book, WHUFF. It's SO hard. So hard. I need to flex muscles I'm not sure I even have! And I need to see everything all at one time. Which isn't easy. I hope I'm getting better at it, though. I'd like to someday finish a book.

One Pokey Little Puppy

• Reading: Just After Sunset, Stephen King
• Writing/editing: --working on the 3rd draft of Lohra's story (made a whopping 200 words tonight)
• Coffee units: 3.5
• Noteworthy nibbles: Seeds of Change korma simmer sauce

Once again, a depressing night's work. Now that I've set the goal to be done with the 3rd draft of "Lohra" by the time we go to vacation in May, a million and ten things keep popping up: my own psychoses (absolutely freaking out about the state of the kitchen, my own overwhelmedness, and my deep and abiding feeling that John will never marry me because I'm a) a slob and b)ugly and c) probably getting bored with a boring, ugly slob), my kid, tomorrow's lunch, my psychoses ...

Oh yeah, there's not enough coffee in the world to keep me writing tonight.

A walk in the park

Reading: Just After Sunset, Stephen King
Writing/editing: --working on the 3rd draft of Lohra's story
Coffee units: 2 at 7:55 pm. Might need a half cup to make it through the night.
Noteworthy nibbles: Chocolate Chickpea Cake with strawberries

While I had planned to make this a bust-my-hump work day, the good weather changed my plans. I had to go for a little hike this morning. Wowser, was that a good choice. A Monday morning in Forest Park, at least in April, is still quiet and peaceful. The birds were singing their songs at the top of their lungs, and the trillium was out in full bloom. I managed to keep on the trail--but barely. There was a moments of total nature dorkdom when I almost fell into Balch Creek. Yikes! That would have put a chill on the morning.

I didn't wind up getting any writing done during the daylight today. My little girl was the unfortunate victim of a run-by vomiting, and I had to pick her up early to wash her. She didn't mind the extra 2 hours of play-time!

I can't believe how big of an improvement this draft is over the previous version of "Lohra." I guess I've actually learned something in the last 2 1/2 years!

The horror ...

Reading: Writing Horror, edited by Mort Castle
Writing: too soon to tell
Coffee units: 1 cup
Notable nibbles: none, cereal being too boring to note

[No idea why the bullets didn't work today.]

One day, after writing two novels and some shorter stuff, I realized that the best parts of everything I wrote was either gory, terrifying, eery or horrible. And I also realized that no matter what kind of project I was working on, writing those parts was best part of the writing. So since Nanowrimo wrapped up, I've been letting myself explore my horrible side.

I believe that the main reason I like horror so much is because of my childhood and where I grew up. See, I lived at the end of a very long, very windy road. Highway 38, a two- or sometimes even three-lane highway following the curves of the Umpqua River, gave way to the infinitely narrower Loon Lake Road. Our road. It hung from a cliff face, its other side mouthing a sheer ravine that at points looked bottomless. At others, particularly in winter, that side of the road went straight into the creek. After a storm, the creek would ride high, floating foam and entire bodies of trees and sometimes loose boulders. After a lot rain there were points where the water came right up to the white line. Each trip along that road scared the shit right out of me.

It was a half hour drive to the grocery store, and we usually went once a week. So imagine being a quiet, introverted, carsick child experiencing a good 52 hours of absolute terror every single year. Combine that with loneliness, no tv and a love of books?

I was doomed to become a horror writer. The great thing is that after many years' denial, I am now willing to admit that I love horror and anything scary. Thanks to my virtual godfather (after reading On Writing by Stephen King, I have adopted him as a kind of bibliographical family member. And hero. ), Stephen King, I am no longer afraid to be a speculative fiction writer. It was like he gave me permission to write what I liked after all the college years of shame. I might never be part of the canon, but what the heck. At least I'm having fun!

Donation Request Letter

• Reading: Writing Horror, edited by Mort Castle; The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, by H.P. Lovecraft
• Writing/editing: --
• Coffee units: 2 at 4:26 pm.
• Noteworthy snacks: cheese-flavored rice cake with bean dip and Secret Aardvark Hot Sauce

Since I plan to stay up tonight watching Diary of the Dead, I thought I'd do a quick post this afternoon while my adorable daughter plays outside. One of my big goals for this spring's blogging is to talk more specificallly about my writing and reading projects. It goes without saying that I'm not really going to write anything today, because Romero and the margaritas have got me booked.

Last night, however, I enjoyed work on a donation letter for ZS. ZS is looking for raffle items for the raffle we're hosting during Zombie Prom, and one of my pals was feeling uncertain about his own writing skills. As I have seen his emails, I could understand. So I wrote a donation request letter, and while it did not rock, it was a nice change of pace. I feel like I've been focusing on my short fiction lately, and there's just a lot of pressure to get the language and the details just right all the time. It's like writing under a magnifying glass. Whew! It gets hot under there!

As for the reading today, it's been a mixed bag. Writing Horror is a compilation of advice from the Horror Writers Association, and so far, the advice hasn't been too thrilling. But there was a great list of recommended books, and I went ahead and put a bunch on hold at the library. The Case of CDW, however, is so far very good. It's the longest of Lovecraft's work, and I like it. So far.

Hey, what do y'all think of my Bridget-Jonesesque summary at the top of my post? I'm thinking about using it routinely.

The fun and frustration

... of making my new header. Man, what a pain in the butt. However, I couldn't resist playing around with the fun font my friend Kt helped me make, which is based off my very own handwriting. We'll see how long it lasts.

Also, I don't know what I think about having my face (all business-like and serious) up there. I might take it out--it's kind of busy.

Let me know what you think!

Updates a-comin!

Ah, Constant Reader(s)--after a hiatus of Spring Break, I am preparing for some site changes. Keep your eyes skinned!

(Given what I've been reading, that colloquialism makes me kind of queasy!)

Stomach blues

Spent the day at home with a tummy ache. I know it is lazy of me, but I have a personal rule that you ought not go to work within 24-hours of vomiting, so I kept myself home from work today.

Of course, since this tummy ache was almost certainly brought on from over-indulgence in delicious baked goods ... I feel kind of like a jerk.

A really smelly, achey jerk. Ugggh.

True confessions

I hate to admit it, but the new Starbucks instant coffee is really pretty darn good. But then I must also confess that I have a sick, sick love for instant coffee. It's hard to believe that a person of such a serious love for java can like instant, but it's true.

Actually, I have a soft spot for many different kinds of coffee. Instant is fun. Weak coffee makes me think of my mom. Diner coffee has its own beauty. And then there's thick hot mud from the French press. Wow.

The best coffee I've been drinking lately comes from the little cafe down the street from Fiona's school. They only serve Stumptown, and there's something special about the way they brew it, because it's full-flavored and perfectly bodied every single time. I don't know what it is. But I do know that I would rather have their house coffee than an espresso drink just about anywhere else.

Still. That new Starbucks Via. Pretty good stuff.

I love my family

I love my family, I love my family, I love my family ...

Sometimes you have to remind yourself of these things after a particularly traumatic getting for school morning. John insists Fiona is never as terrible as she is on the days I am home for the morning departure. Somehow this doesn't make me feel any better!

Twiddling my thumbs

I got the horror story wrapped up and sent out for submission, and now I'm sort of floating around on a happy high and not quite willing to get back the plain drudgery of editing Bk #1.

Honestly, after the simple joy of creating a short story, I kind of want to punch all the novels in their printy little faces and stuff them in a drawer somewhere. I feel like not a single one will ever be worth handing over to another human being to read. And that's terrible, because 2 out of 3 have already been read by other humans, much to the anguish of said humans.

So now I'm stalling. Stalling and surfing the internet. God I love the Internet!

Silence settles over the duplex

I love my family, but THANK GOD I usually leave the house before they do. The last fifteen minutes of getting-ready-to-go-to-school was like cacophonous torture. How can one little girl carp, cavil, whine and complain so much?

Not to mention the stomping and door slamming. They're just galoshes, but you'd think they were red-hot iron slippers the way she was complaining.

Ahhh, peace. I'm enjoying it now. But in ten minutes, I have to get ready for my consult with the oral surgeon.

Some days I love my job

Like yesterday, when a kiddo got shut in a locker and the locker jammed. Is there anything out there better than saving small children?

I don't think so!

The cold is passing!

The cold and its sense of great depression is leaving. Thank goodness! There is nothing worse than the feeling you are dripping brain lubricant AND life energy out of your nostrils.

The writing gig has been slow going, what with the cold and all. Mostly, I'm focusing on short stories for a little while. The two big novels are in holding position. The oldest of the two has been getting on-and-off attention, the Nano07 is in meditation. Mediation? Something.

Tonight I have been instructed to make Chinese food by my daughter. The tofu awaits me! I think tofu-bok choy stir fry with sesame seeds. Yummay!

We have a dumb mayor

That's really about it. I'm feeling all out of sorts about politics. On one hand, I woke up this morning to announcements that President Obama is closing Gitmo and outlawing torture. On the other, I've got the power center of Stumptown spinning in a whirlwind of confusion.

It's making my head hurt. I keep crying with joy about DC and shaking my head about PDX. Somebody get me some Advil!

Elevate my mood, quick!

Okay, it's time to call in the big guns--chocolate, caffeine, chips. Some days are worse than others. Nothing bad happened at work today, but after last week, I really needed something cheerful to happen. And the inauguration didn't quite cut it, because I was listening to the speeches through work distractions, and that only made me hate people more.

Right now, I just really, really hate people.

Pass me the chocolate!!

Safety ninja

The day before yesterday at work a very small child, probably 18 months, escaped from his grandmother and almost went out the front door. I vaulted over the front counter and stopped him.

It was a Hot Fuzz moment, and I felt like a rockstar and the little guy's grandmother was blown away.

Damn it, I deserve a raise!

Blue Corn Masa Dumplings--not vegan

Since I'm avoiding wheat this month, I'm enjoying a lot of corn- and rice-based dishes. Tonight, I tried a really tasty idea: masa dumplings. I found blue corn masa on sale at the Food Coop, and an old article in Gourmet magazine came to mind.

Begin with 1 &1/2 cups of pinto beans. Soak them overnight. Then cook with 3 C water & 1 Tb salt until tender; when beans are tender, add a minced clove of garlic (or 2 or 3!) & a chopped onion. Stir in 1/2 Tb olive oil, 1 tsp chili powder & 1 tsp cumin (more or less--I didn't actually measure). Add 1 Tb tomato paste & 1 1/2 C vegetable broth. Allow to simmer five minutes.

While it simmers, stir together about 1 C masa harina (the stuff that tortilla chips are made from!), 1 Tb baking powder and 1/2 tsp salt. Make a well in center of dry ingredients and gently whisk one egg together with 2 Tb corn oil. Stir in 2 Tb vegetable broth. Begin to work into dry ingedients, adding vegetable broth as necessary to create a dough slightly stickier than Playdough. Roll into balls the size of walnuts and add to gently simmering broth (reduce heat, if necessary). Cover and simmer gently about 5 minutes.

We had ours with salsa and guacamole, but I bet a lot of chopped fresh cilantro would make this fantastic!

I would like to experiment with this recipe to make it vegan--I could probably use ground flax seeds to help hold it all together--but the dumplings turned out so light and fluffy I had to share them right off the bat.

Writing update!

While I did make it to the end of my Nanowrimo project, I am putting any work on that story way, way, waaaaaaay on the back burner. I am instead re-working the first book I ever wrote. And by re-working, I mean the kind of re-writing where you look at the original manuscript and say: "Awesome! Now I have a 125,000-word outline!"

If you had told me a year ago that I would need to do this kind of revision to save the story, I would have cried. But now I am really enjoying myself. It's actually very enjoyable to sit down, look at the events of a scene and just write it a whole new way. It's being re-written this way because it's the same story with a new heroine. So she has similiar motivations and similiar responses but not exactly. (The love angles wind up totally different because of this.) But most of the same awful stuff happens to her. It's the same world, new girl.

Or the same world, different writer? I don't know who has changed most, my heroine, or me. I just know that what I'm writing sounds totally different than what I started writing 4 years ago.

Updates and stuff

Updated the quote of the month to reflect my favorite hobby: the study of zombies. It's a hobby that's really drawn my sweetie pie and I together, and it's the foundation of my bond with my brother. I've got to say, I've got a soft spot in my heart for the undead.

30

It happened at the beginning of last month, and I've been waiting to write up a great "it was my birthday and these are my amazing insights" kind of a post. And waiting. And waiting.

It turns out I don't have a whole lot of insights about turning 30. Weird.

Actually, I am noticing some changes in myself. For one, I am not as cute and fuzzy as I used to be. The tough, grouchy lady inside of me is rearing her head--and getting appreciated, instead of pounded under. There are things that go along with that tough broad, like reading Stephen King again after years of turning up my nose at scary stories, and buying books about the martial arts. There are weird things, too, like changing snack preferences--I used to be sweets all the way, and now I'm transitioning to jerkey.

I don't know. Things are changing. I feel like my emotional bones and muscle are starting to appear from beneath the puppy fat of my youth. I'm not as cute as I used to be, and I think that's okay.

The Snake's got nothing on Petfinder.com...

The Snake has a pretty bad rap, what with tempting Eve and all. But you know, he's pretty innocent compared to Petfinder.com. Have you ever checke out that site? It's like pet porn! I just spent half an hour snivelling over bunnies and kitties and birds, and now I'm a miserable shell of a woman. It's all their fault.

Actually, it might be the Fred Meyer Pigeon's fault. Today, John and I braved the elements to go find Fiona some Christmas presents. (No "inclement weather event" is going to wreck my baby's Christams, darn it!) And in the foyer of the Foster Fred Meyer, this adorable cocoa-and-white pigeon had snuck in and started roosting! She was beautiful and obviously very smart. If I had a box in the back of the car, I probably would have tried luring her down from her perch and into my life.

Needless to say, the thought of an adorable bird pet led to online searching, and next thing you know, I'm preparing to lie to my landlord and send my child to live with my relatives so I can adopt Dusty the Ragdoll Cat, who can not live with dogs, cats or children. But she's gorgeous.
Eve, put down the apple.

Whew. I think I'll just go put a fresh layer of paper in the worm bin and try to be thankful for what I have. If only Fiona would purr when I scratched her under the chin ...

I am Pandora's bitch

Maybe in response to one month of extremely restricted musical selections--I made one playlist of downer tunes and listened to it non-stop all of November--I am now obsessed with Pandora radio. There is nothing like a blast of music you've never heard before to clear the cobwebs out of your brainpan.

Tamora Pierce: An Homage

More than twenty years ago (!) I picked this book off the Bookmobile's shelves, and it was the book that set the course of my life. I think I was eight years old. I know that the person I am today is the summation of a hundred thousand small events, thousands of stories and hundreds of relationships, but that one book took all the previous experiences and condensed them into one searchlight that lit up all the rest that followed.

Alanna was the first book I had ever read where the perspective switched between two characters. I remember turning the page and then flipping back and forth, so confused, and then, so excited! I didn't know books could do that. It was absolute magic to my young mind. I had never known that there was more than one way to write stories, and from that time on, I payed attention to how a story unfolded, not just its unfolding.

And what a story! Here was a young, powerful heroine, daring to defy her family to follow her dreams, even if it means pretending to be a boy. Here was a girl with purple eyes and guts and a strong sword arm. She lived in a pretty amazing place, too--a place with Thief Kings and nobility and plotting mages, dangerous deserts and slave-trading neighbors. Reading that place sealed my heart to Fantasy for all time.

I have just written the first draft of my third novel. I have just finished reading my fourteenth novel by Tamora Pierce. It was just as good as the first one (and yes, I must admit, better than some of the ones in between). I have many false starts of books piled up in my mind and in my desk drawer, and probably ten of those false starts are born from Tamora Pierce's writing. My first finished book has a character named for one of her's. It's pretty clear to me that this woman is important in my world, my mind, my life.

I am so glad that she is out there, writing these books. Not only did she make me want to be a writer, she made me want to be the kind of woman she writes about: tough, smart, moral. My interest in martial arts and sword-fighting was fueled by the adventures she created. My love of justice was always slaked by her writing. And no one else has written talking animals with quite the same tough love that Tamora Pierce manages.

Tamora Pierce, thank you. You are my favorite author.

Super Turkey!

WOW!

I made Bryanna Grogan's Seitan & Soy Turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, and after giving it some sweet upgrades (like adding a little applesauce to wet ingredients and apple juice to basting liquid, as well as following a different baking technique recommended by another food blogger), the beast turned out unbelievable. [I thought about inserting the f*bomb in between the syllables of 'be' and 'li', just to underscore the amazing goodness of this protein loaf.] I would double-dog dare Tofurkey to make a better dish.

Also AMAZING was the pear-cranberry crumble. The crumble itself was just tasty, but the combination of the pecans in the streuselly topping and the cararmel sauce (and ice cream) we spooned over the top created a magical pecan pie + fruity goodness experience that blew me away.

Combined with a wonderful hike in the Audubon Nature Sanctuary and a full day of bonding with my cool niece, this was a Thanksgiving I don't think I'll ever forget.

Thankful!

See the updated image over there? I'm going to spend Thanksgiving partying!

No work until MONDAY! Yeee-hawwww!

History

I was just putting books on hold at the library for Fiona and I realized just how very innocent she is. I wante d to get information about presidents, because the idea is very nebulous and confusing for her, and because I think she should know a bit about them, and also, I want to share the momentousness of Obama's inauguration in January. And I realized that she would have no clue why it's so amazing and fantastic that this man could be elected by a majority of American citizens to lead us. She has no idea that 140 years ago, someone who looked like our future president could be bought and sold like toilet paper.

And the thought just sort of hit me hard. I know I'm tired and a little overwrought from a hard month's soul-scraping. But I'm sitting here, sniffling, just thinking about it.

I'm off to take a hot bath, letting my word count for the day stay at 2,000 words. And I'll leave you with this:

Our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

It just seems a little more true today than it did in history class. Blessed be, Mr. Lincoln. You've waited a long time to see another Illinois senator follow you into the White House.

Fun stuff--and fitting!

Wendy Noel Wagner's Dewey Decimal Section:
184 Platonic philosophy
Wendy Noel Wagner's birthday: 12/06/1978 = 1206+1978 = 3184

Class:
100 Philosophy & Psychology

Contains:
Books on metaphysics, logic, ethics and philosophy.

What it says about you:
You're a careful thinker, but your life can be complicated and hard for others to understand at times. You try to explain things and strive to express yourself.

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com

36,000 words

I am embarassed to admit that the last two or three days have produced very little in the word count department. However, today I went to the food co-op and picked up some veggie jerkey. And then promptly chomped out 1700 words of fun craft. Also, I organized the next couple of days work so I can crank out some serious product.

Veggie jerky. How did I ever function without it? May the gods shower blessings upon Kt, who introduced me to the stuff!

Yes, I'm still alive!

But barely, barely mind you. I'm pushing all the me-ish-ness out of my head to clear space for my characters!

I'm half-way there! Wish me luck! GO NANOWRIMO!

I am a femme fatale!

This headline takes a little explaining. It begins close to eleven years ago, a time when the nation was rocked by the exploits of a young White House intern in a blue dress. A time when a fellow classmate turned to meand said, "Wow! You look just like Monica Lewinski!" And other people agreed.

It was a very dark moment in my life that led to an extreme haircut and new clothes.
I thought I'd left that experience behind me, but Wednesday night, I couldn't help but remember it. My delightful friend Katie joined me in the weekly trip to the market to pick up my produce from my marvelous farmer. We waited patiently as a young man in biking gear bought some appealing broccoli, and then I stepped up and began chatting with Lyle (the farmer). Hearing my voice, the bicyclist turned his head and stared. "Are you trying to do a Sarah Palin impression?"

He looked a little flustered when Lyle assured him that I was just a naturally cheerful person, and my stunned (and grumpy) "No! That's just how I normally sound!" probably didn't help either.

So now I know. I have the voice of Sarah Palin in Monica Lewinksi's body. I could bring down the entire political system!

I'm in love ...

... with Google Docs!

After the file-tastic chaos of last year's Nanowrimo writing explosion, I am really wracking my brains to keep track of all the notes and chapter files I generate in an all-out draft creation. Plus that, I need safe back-up space for all of that, and you don't know how good I am at getting all those files mixed up all over the place. I think I can Google Docs like a giant virtual filing cabinet for all that back-up goodness.

Woot!

Yeah, Google might be taking over the world. But I don't see why more companies aren't jumping on their bandwagon. Their ideas are SMART.

My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I approve this message.

Tonight my mom floored me. She said she wants to vote for Sarah Palin, because "that woman is a breath of fresh air." I actually feel in a kind of mourning.

The McCain/Palin ticket isn't a breath of fresh air. It's drumming up support by pounding the same platform of hatred the Republican party has relied upon the last 20 years: anti-abortion, anti-gay-marriage, pro-war, pro-guns.

Barack Obama has gone out on a limb--you can read it in his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention--to reach out to people on both sides of these divisive issues. He has tried to connect people, shining a light on the things we have in common, no matter how we stand on issues like this.

Everybody gets fired up about these issues because we have deep commitments to our moral codes, moral codes that we interpret in ways that give us very different perspectives on issues like abortion, gay marriage and sending people to war.

Republicans prosper when we hate each other for those different perspectives. Some Democrats prosper, too. But Obama is the first politician I have ever seen raising himself above the election-winning tactic of stirring up hatred.

He is a voice of love.

I don't know if I like Barack Obama. He is a cautious, career politician who is difficult to read, restrained, and unemotional. It's hard to love a man like that. But I believe that in these times--with terrorism on all our minds, with war and atrocity across the globe, with global economic devastation, with our own nation wracked by its own ideological schisms--that the only weapon we have is love. It is the only way we are going to fight through these perilous times.

Damn straight, I'm an Oregonian!

I finally have a raincoat!

Okay, so it's not Goretex, but it is still lovely and it is waterproof. It's blue and cute. I can totally fit a sweater under it without looking like a marshmallow.

It was really time to do it. The other day I had to use an ... uggh ... umbrella.

Reading and writing

We have cable internet! How exciting! Wheee!

Other than that, just hanging out, reading and editing the old book, gearing up for Nanowrimo. And baking Gingerbread Pumpkin Muffins!

David Lynch in a Tux

I was just trying to post this recipe on the Nanowrimo forum, because we ate a lot of it last November. Quinoa is full of protein and calcium, and it cooks in about 15 minutes.

We were inspired to create this recipe from the special features on the Inland Empire DVD. I remember watching it at a friend's house and then *immediately* demanding we go to Fred Meyer and pick up quinoa. It is definitely worth watching Mr. Lynch make this dish, because he tells the most wonderful stories while he's cooking. And he manages to smoke several cigarettes.

David Lynch in a Tux
1 tsp olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
1 C quinoa
2 C water, boiling
1/2 Tb Better than Bouillon Vegetable Soup base -- or 2 cubes veggie bouillon
2 C broccoli florets
Fun veggie additions:
sliced mushrooms, jarred pimentos, fresh basil, corn (any or all)
walnuts or pine nuts
French fried onions (I like Trader Joe's brand)

Heat olive oil in 1 quart saucepan over medium heat until shimmery. Add garlic, cook until fragrant, then stir in quinoa. Toast about 2 minutes so it can soak up garlicy oil. Add water, bring to a boil while stirring, then reduce heat to low and cover. Allow to simmer about 7 minutes. Stir in bouillon, and if there is still liquid present, cover and simmer another 3-5 minutes. When water is absorbed, stir in broccoli and other vegetables. Remove from heat and keep covered for at least 3 minutes. Top with nuts and onions when serving.

Serves 2 hungry grown-ups and 1 not-too-picky kid. If you use prepped veggies and garlic from a jar, this will take about 15 minutes to prepare and cook.

Tasty eats

The focus of the food world here in Chez Kazwagner has definitely began to change to a healthier front. After a whole summer of pie, cookies and donuts, I found myself eating a tofu taco this morning for breakfast, downed with a kale-and-strawberry smoothie (with an added tablespoon of "Green Power" to really kick it up a notch).

It's fall.

When it's fall, it's important to kick up the fire in your belly and eat less yin foods. Eat more orange foods, more quality proteins, less dairy, wheat and sugar. And crank up the heat with spices.

Here's a tasty, tangy dessert shake that fit the bill the other night:

I'm Spicayy Pumpkin Shake
3/4 C pumpkin puree (mine was from a can)
1 6 oz container vanilla soy yogurt
1 Tb molasses
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
dash of fresh, finely ground pepper, if you're into spicy
1 C apple cider
1 scoop vanilla ice cream, dairy or not, to taste/health OR 1/2 a frozen banana

Put pumkin, yogurt, molasses and spices in blender and blend on low to combine. Add cider and ice cream (or banana, if you prefer) and blend on high till fluffy. Taste--might need a dash of honey or sugar, depending on the sugar content of the yogurt.

We had ours with a dollop of whipped topping, so it looked very decadent and yummy.

Does anybody else remember that "I'm spicaayyy" Burger Kinger ad? I still love that line!

Oregon City is romantic

...so take your dates down by the river and smooch!

That's what John and I did on Saturday, while our dear daughter enjoyed birthday party extravaganza with her cousin. It was SO nice to have a date day. We just about floated off the Willamette Falls viewpoint.

And I'm not kidding--Oregon City is a really cute little town. It also has this bizarre, retro-future (think Jetsons) elevator that goes from the riverside to the top of a bluff. There's a big viewing platform at the top and a bizarre art project--holographic historical photographs!--to enjoy. Plus, there's a pizzeria with awesome salad!

Crazy cool weekend

So my brother came to visit! And Fiona spent the night at her cousin's house, so brother, John, and my eldest sister all hung out playing crazy games (after we enjoyed hearty eats at Dot's Cafe. Which has amazing vegan options.).

Anyway, back to the party...

Cream of Broccoli Soup

I have gotten out of the habit of posting on Blogger. It's easy; on my Myspace blog, I get instant feedback from the folks who always read, but my lone Blogger reader signed up to be a sailor until November, so I gave up a little. But November is almost upon us, and let's not forget--there's a link to my Blog on my Nanowrimo profile. I could have readers!

Tonight I made a delicious Cream of Broccoli Soup with Edamame and Corn. It was so beautiful in the bowl! We gobbled it up with kaiser rolls from New Seasons. Wow!

We are almost settled into the new kindergarten routine. It has been hard for me. There's a lot more to do and coordinate I have really been wallowing in chaos. I had visions of all the wonderful free time that would come with my new work schedule, but honestly? Fiona has needed so much more Mom time that I feel more exhausted and get less done than ever.

It's all very, very ugghy. But my soup was good.

Great day!

Today, I got to hang out with my cute nephews and niece, went to the new ice cream shop on Division, AND I finished the poem about dinosaurs. What a great day! If I could have spent an hour with my brother, who turned 21 today, it would have been perfect!

Weddings and craziness!

This weekend was wedding #2, and this one was much more lovely than the last. The first was swanky; this one was Martha-Stewart-picture-perfect. There was canoeing on a lake, swings on the shore, caterers circulating with hors d'oeuvres. The bride was astonishingly beautiful. Everything was ... lovely.

It was the kind of wedding that I would probably want if I had $20,000 to throw away on a wedding. Needless to say, I am happy that I got to visit that wedding and will feel no sorrow that I will not have that wedding myself. (That was a terrible sentence--did any of you follow that?)

I'm actually pretty happy that I don't feel obligated to have a perfect wedding like these folks. After all, at this perfect wedding, the guests got to enjoy a quality meal, catered by a top-notch outfit, with delicious side dishes, chicken or salmon. Or both, since it was a buffet. Everyone said the salmon was wonderful. The bride and groom, who are both vegetarians, got to eat side dishes.

I am NOT eating side dishes at my own wedding. Also, I am not going to wear a super-freaking-fancy dress that I wouldn't feel comfortable eating in. I am a Wagner, after all. A party isn't a party unless everyone leaves in a food coma.

Not that I'm getting married any time soon. But you know. You get thinking about this stuff.

After the wedding, we drove down the gorge and pitched a tent (in the dark!). And Monday morning we went hiking. It rocked.

Is there something wrong with that picture, or what?

Weddings ...

On Saturday, I went to a wedding, and this Sunday, I'll be going to another. (It's a pretty good excuse for eating sweets!) I have one good friend getting ready for a wedding, and John and I keep muttering about one. Weddings are in the air!

So the wedding I went to on Saturday was very enjoyable. It was at Wieden and Kennedy, which is an awfully appealing space for the offices of an advertising agency. The champagne was exceptional, and the food was acceptable--the coconut cream cake was a real standout, although somehow the lemon bars tasted like soap. I was very inspired, at least on the food side of the party equation.

Most weddings involve dancing, and this one was no exception. But the remarkable thing was that my friends Molly and Steve tried to teach me some swing dancing moves, and Steve said that I have a natural talent. He said I should take lessons. He said this twice! Wow. The nicest thing anyone has ever said about my dancing was "stop." I feel like a new woman.

John has heard me boasting about my natural talent at seven times now. And he hasn't hit me over the head yet!

10 years ago

So I saw this on Shayna's blog, and who can resist this kind of thing?

Compare your life now to what you thought it would be ten years ago:
Ten years ago, I was just beginning my senior year of college (a melodramatic and ridiculous time in my life!). I imagined that I would have gone to school for a degree in Literature and become a professor at some tiny liberal arts school in a petite college town. Or maybe gotten a degree in ESL teaching and gone to work for an ESL department in a tiny liberal arts school. I would write in my free time and travel on school holidays. I would have had several heart-wrenching romances, and of course my students would secretly pine for me, but I would remain free and single, removed from it all.

Nowadays, I live with a man I love and, like my left leg or liver, couldn't imagine being without. We are raising my 5-year-old daughter (my big oops and life-shaking event), who predates the arrival of the true love. I work at a job I sincerely enjoy and will probably keep for many years, without interest in promotion or change, because it is handy, fun, and doesn't expect too much for me. Oddly enough, it is at a children's museum, a place I wouldn't have set foot in for less than $20 in my previous ten-year-plan. I garden a lot, but my big joy is writing. I have written two novels, each lying around in half-edited chunks, and I have a handful of short stories and poems sitting on editors' desks around the country. Wish them luck for me, okay?

In the next ten years, I would sincerely like to live in the country with two or three alpacas, a dog, some chickens, bees, and lots of compost. I would like to be able to grow all the vegetables and fruit that I eat in a year. I would also really like writing to be my day job and market gardening be my part-time love. Also in ten years, I would really like to be surviving Fiona's teen years without too much pain and insanity.

Hey, I dream big!

Family Friday movie night

What does it say about me that I can't watch Pocohontas without crying?

Peanut Butter Brownies

I made Peanut Butter Brownies the other day. I have now eaten approximately 3000 calories worth--just today. I'm glad I sent a bunch home with Erin, or I might triple in size. Which brings me to the question: Why the heck are home-baked goods so darn tasty? Seriously, when I make something myself, I can barely stop myself from eating it. Is it because I am a genius cook? Or is it a weird psychological compulsion?

I better turn my family loose on those things tonight and hope they can save me from myself!

Fine Dining!

Last night, I had a truly remarkable experience: one of my friends took us to the restaurant where he recently started as the pastry chef (Genoa, on Portland's SE Belmont St). It's the first time I have ever enjoyed a multi-course, prix fixe dinner, and we spent *4* hours working our way through the magnificent experience. Each course was a jewel of flavor and visual appeal. It was lovely.

Today, my stomach is in rebellion, since we enjoyed the cheese course heartily--and then the guys in the kitchen brought out dessert. All the desserts, just for fun. It was the first time Daniel (the pastry chef) had gotten to see his work in action, and he was just so very happy. We had to try all seven of them, and then nibble on our favorites. Which was probably a little too much dessert, but what the heck! After a couple glasses of wine and some port, what's a little too much dessert?

The best thing was seeing this incredible staff working together with such enjoyment and respect. Since we were with Daniel, we got to meet everybody, and they were all really nice guys, and all very proud of their work. It just made me smile.

What was the best? Hmmn. . . the melon & mint sorbet amuse bouche was perfection, the carrot soup with cumin and creme fraiche was stellar, the morel mushroom risotto took speech away (and the fennel salad garnish with that dish was particularly breath-taking), but the clear winners were the carmelized onion and gorgonzola ravioli (WOW!) and the basil and black pepper tartoufe. (Daniel helped make both of those dishes.) Wow. Wow. Wow!

For Kt, who doesn't have Myspace

Walking home after work last week, I had an epiphany. If you know me—and if you're reading this, I imagine you do—then you know that every two weeks, I find another dream job that I'm going to pursue. And it's always some cool great thing that I would probably be very good at, and you, my friends and family, say nice, supportive things, and then in a few days, I've changed my mind.

So then I had the epiphany.

I am never going to be anything besides a writer.

That might mean that I have crap jobs, like working at the museum, for the rest of my life. And it doesn't mean I'm going to be a good writer, or a successful writer. It just means that I'm going to write, and everything else I'm interested in is probably just fodder for writing.

Whew. I'm also giving myself permission to explore all those really cool things that interest me—without saying they're my dream job. Because, hey—art classes and yoga classes and whatever other weird junk I get into all give me something to write about. And a girl's got to have that.

It feels good getting it all off my chest.

Working hard!

While I haven't made anything very delicious to eat--although my friend Sue gave me some delicious rhubarb-strawberry compote--I have been doing some pretty cool stuff lately. I've started a short story, begun brainstorming the background for the next book (hey, November's coming up fast!), and am beginning the rewrite for my Cinderella-novel. Also, I have done a few other things, but I'm keeping them under my hat for a while. . .

The pot roils

Tonight was the first time in weeks that I made Indian-spiced food! I have been in cumin-withdrawal! I was planning to just make some curried split pea soup, but then I found myself making a delicious pilau (my favorite plain pilau recipe from the Vegetarian Epicure, book 2), yummy curried split peas with spinach and cabbage, and really delicious marinated tofu browned with cumin seeds and mustard seeds. Yummmmmmmmm.

If you're wondering why there are no pictures of this attractive meal, it's because we have a new camera that take humongous pictures, and I still haven't worked out how to cut them down to Blogger size. Don't hold your breath.

So much new and exciting stuff I can't quite wrap my brain around it. I think I'll just focus on two big, silly events. Tomorrow is the museum's big fundraiser, and almost everybody is coming as a volunteer to staff the event. All my pals will be getting dressed up in their finest duds and hanging out with the idle rich! And best of all, I have cute shoes to wear! Whoo-hoo! Also great: on Saturday, my sister-sin-law and I are going to see the Sex and the City movie! Double whoo-hoo! I was watching to the show tributes on the last-season-bonus-disc, and if you think I didn't get teary eyed, you are nuts.

All right. Time to help a midget brush her teeth!

Healthy eats

I'm all for healthy eats, but I draw the line at spinach in my waffles!

The things you read about on the fatfreevegan discussion board ...

On the plus side, we did make a delicious sorbet last night for dessert. It featured a lot of frozen strawberries, pineapple (crushed from a can) and a banana--upon tasting, I added a little agave nectar to boost the flavors. The fiber from the banana and pineapple gave it a soft, sherbet-y texture that was really lovely.

I am trying to cut down on wheat again. After a lot of fun noshing at work, I have gained a couple of pounds, and I am back to drinking two or three cups of coffee every day. How delightful to surf the ups-and-downs of my two favorite addictions--caffeine and wheat. You should see me try to fight off a toast craving! It's like watching a smoker or a junkie try to resist their favorite drug. Apparently this is not a surprise. A lot of people who have wheat issues (I don't know that I have a wheat issue, but I do know that if I eat more than about 2 servings in one day, I feel weird and have truly repugnant gas--sorry about the TMI) crave wheat desperately. Because of the trauma going on in the gut, your body starts to pump out endorphins, creating a morphine-like high. Goody. Morphine. Thank goodness for rice cakes!

Food woes

So I hate to admit it, but I have not been in the cooking mode lately. Seriously, the most delicious things I have eaten lately are chili-mac, dressed-up top ramen, and guacamole/sauerkraut on an onion bagel. If you have not tried topping an onion bagel with guacamole (spicy) and sauerkraut (my new favorite, wine kraut), then you are missing, missing out. In fact, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Oh. And I also made a pretty tasty vegan-ized spinach-artichoke dip the other day, which because deliriously delicious with honey-mustard stirred into it the next day.

If you're noticing that everything I've been eating lately is junk food, you might be right.